Your personal E-therapist is in the house!
Hello Readers,
We know that not everyone can afford their own personal counselor, so we are bringing her to you.
Your questions will be answered by Koren Norton, a licensed therapist who loves people. Not only is she a counselor; she is also a writer, a sister, a friend, an aunt, a facebook user, a dog lover, and a 30 something girl who understands that sometimes we all need a little help figuring things out.
Send your questions to this confidential email askkoren@live.com and a response will be provided.
Grown Son Won't Move Out
Dear Koren,
Last year my 37 year old son got laid off from the hotel he worked at and we agreed to let him stay at home for a while to not have to deplete his little savings on rent. Now he got a job again in November when the hotel got busy and I notice he is not taking any steps to move out. How do I address this with him?
–Mom
Dear Mom,
You address moving out the same way the discussion was had about him coming in. "Son, because of the situation where you have no extra income, it's okay for you to stay here for a while." That worked back then, so use the same strategy now. "Son due to the new situation of you regaining your job, we will need that spare room again to fix up for our guests that we are expecting in March." Simple.
The room belongs to you and your husband and while it probably once was your son's home too, he is old enough to find his own nest and be a man. It was mighty noble of you to extend that wonderful courtesy of letting him come back temporarily, but please don't allow that young man to become too comfortable and get too accustomed to living rent free and no doubt getting regular meals and housekeeping services in the bargain.
If you ask him nicely to leave and he is silently and stubbornly taking advantage of your love but not going anywhere, make it uncomfortable for him. Stop leaving a plate of food in the microwave, don't do his laundry and start walking around semi naked in the house with lots of public displays of affection between you and your husband. If those don't work, then pull out the big guns and start setting a curfew time after which you don't expect anyone to be coming and going and see how quickly he becomes eager to go.
Your home is yours and while you want to be able to help your kids out when they are in a jam, you still want to send a strong message to your son that he is quite capable of running his own life, with only just a little speck of help from Mom and Dad.